Dear diary,
Things I'm going to hell for: switching out Bill's hemorrhoid cream with Icy Hot.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
October 4
Dear diary,
A tin of Altoids makes for a very poor lunch substitute. It did not stay minty on the way back up.
A tin of Altoids makes for a very poor lunch substitute. It did not stay minty on the way back up.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
October 3
Dear diary,
Woke up this morning with, "Sorry about the Panda," written on my arm. I have no memory of last night and I'm afraid to turn on the news.
Woke up this morning with, "Sorry about the Panda," written on my arm. I have no memory of last night and I'm afraid to turn on the news.
October 2
Dear diary,
Lisa was in the hospital because she was spitting up blood. Apparently, Lisa can't tell the difference between blood and cherry lollipops.
Lisa was in the hospital because she was spitting up blood. Apparently, Lisa can't tell the difference between blood and cherry lollipops.
Friday, October 1, 2010
October 1
Dear diary,
When they tell you a side effect may be, "Upset stomach," they really mean , "Crap yourself every-time you sneeze."
When they tell you a side effect may be, "Upset stomach," they really mean , "Crap yourself every-time you sneeze."
September 30
Dear diary,
The thing we've all feared most has come to pass. All the girls in the office have synced up their cycle. It's like an estrogen Molotov cocktail in here.
The thing we've all feared most has come to pass. All the girls in the office have synced up their cycle. It's like an estrogen Molotov cocktail in here.
September 29
Dear diary,
My experiment to go vegan has resulted in the death of three cows, a new hole in the Ozone Layer, and $300 dollars in plumber bills.
My experiment to go vegan has resulted in the death of three cows, a new hole in the Ozone Layer, and $300 dollars in plumber bills.
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