October 19

Dear diary,

Strip search revealed a tattoo I didn't know I had. Who the hell is Hadji?

October 18

Dear diary,

Forgot today was Come to Work as a Zombie Day. Am now facing twelve charges of assault and battery.

October 17

Dear diary,

Things I'm no longer allowed to do at work, #65: Testing the longevity of Super Glue by gluing the interns to the ceiling. They will come down on top of the VP.

October 16

Dear diary,

Came back from lunch today to find Malcolm chasing the interns around with a fire extinguisher screaming, "Don't run, running only makes it worse!"

I love hazing week.

October 15

Dear diary,

Guess who found a wasp nest in the vending machine today!

October 14

Dear diary,

Adam put in his two week notice today. There was much rejoicing.

October 13

Dear diary,

I have to stop watching infomercials while I'm drunk. I woke up today with a charge for three erection-vacs on my credit card.